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Motherland Tour 2004 Reports

by Jennifer Sylvester

 

I had the good fortune to lead the second Motherland Tour to Vietnam in July 2004. My friend and colleague, Carol Satre, accompanied me and provided me with a reason to laugh at the end of a stressful day, or cried tears of joy with me over the reunions we had just experienced. Joy Degenhardt alternately traveled with us as did her three daughters. Her efforts in handling the schedules, meeting unexpected needs, providing roadside water often, looking for "adequate" rest stops and the myriad of tiny things that can crop up in a group of our size, were greatly appreciated and made the trip the pleasure it was. When I felt we were all too tired, too road weary, and the day was getting too long, I had only to speak to Joy and she would adjust the schedule with the tour guide. All worked together to make this trip extraordinary in so many ways.

 

The group consisted of nine families, totaling 34 people (15 adults and 19 children) plus Carol and me. We flew into Hanoi on July 11, 2004 and left July 24. It was a jam packed two weeks at the height of the summer season with temperatures reaching 100 many days. The group ranged in ages from 10 years to 65. In fact, I celebrated my 65th birthday on the beautiful West Lake in the heart of Hanoi being serenaded by the children and a Karaoke machine. Unforgettable.

The largest family was a group of eight from Maine with four children adopted from Vietnam and two from Cambodia. The four each had a reunion of their own, seeing again the caregivers that loved them in the orphanage, and in one case, an emotional reconnection with an older sister who then traveled with our group for a few days.

 

Many days the air was filled with excitement and weeping. We tried to give each family what they needed in terms of special time alone with their birth family, or a translator, or a photographer – this trip was "theirs" and their needs were paramount. One young man spent the day with his entire birth family, and when I left him and his adoptive father in the village with no translator, I wondered if that was the right idea. When Dad and son turned up at the hotel that evening it was with great relief and happiness that I heard about the motorcycle ride through the village with the birth father showing off his son's adoptive father to everyone with great pride. Hearts were mended that day – and on other days, too. One young girl met the wet nurse who nurtured her in those early months. All reunions were not always in the orphanages. One family ventured out into the countryside and located a tiny village, found the birth father and had an unforgettable experience.

 

A woman who came on the trip from New York City said she felt she was on a movie set as she watched Vietnam glide by through her bus window. She was enthralled by the lovely children, the loving caregivers and the welcoming nature of the people on the street. But the beauty of the adoptive families seemed to touch her the most. As I told her in one of our many conversations, adoptive families are uniquely special. Their hearts are larger, more open, more giving than anyone I have known in my years of rattling around this old world. Whether they are adding children to an existing family, or building their entire family through adoption, they are as one in their love of children, their acceptance of differences, their tolerance and their compassion. We stopped at one orphanage and the children performed. I passed a hat and a generous amount was collected to help with the care of the kids.

 

I encourage anyone who is considering joining a Motherland Tour to contact The Degenhardt Foundation with questions. It is a journey of love and learning and you will never regret making it.

 

by Cindy Roberts (written in 2004)

 

I took my two daughters on the Vietnam Motherland Tour. It was a two-week tour that started in Northern Vietnam and ended in Saigon. The group of 40 people was made up of adopted families just like ours and their kids. The children in the group ranged in age from nine to 19 years old. All the families had adopted, but anyone with any affiliation to Vietnam was welcome to join the tour.

The main focus of the tour was reuniting the children with their orphanages, their culture, and birth families were optional. My favorite part of the trips were the orphanage visits. We visited each child's orphanage on our way through Vietnam. In general, I say most of the kids were very nervous about their visits to their orphanage and facing the past. It didn't seem to matter if they were adopted as infants or as older children. Just getting off the bus was hard for them. Once there, the children and their parents acclimated quickly. Some lucky kids found caretakers who remembered them. Everyone was snapping photos! It didn't matter if it was your child's orphanage or not, it was just a Kodak moment.

My kids passed out balloons to the older kids. This helped them interact with the orphanage kids and games soon ensued! My husband has forgiven me now, but while at Thuy An Orphanage outside of Hanoi, I did try to adopt a child. The Thuy An Center is now for handicapped children only. There was a wonderful group of deaf children who were quiet personable and wonderful at communicating through sign language. One girl asked me how many children I had. I told her six and she became very excited! Then she lined up four of her siblings, who were also deaf, and they argued about who was older. It was very cute.

The child that caught my eye, looked just my son Tommy who was adopted from Hoa Binh, Vietnam at age 7. Tommy is now 15 and so was this young man. Jennifer Sylvester laughed at me, and said are you serious? Then she explained that Americans can still adopt from Vietnam even though the adoption program is currently closed, if the child was handicapped. As it turned out, the child in question was 15 years old and too old to be adopted. The girls and I were very sad, but my husband and 4 boys are quit relieved that I was not able to bring another child home.

My favorite orphanage reunion was in Saigon at the HIV/AIDS orphanage. Some caregivers who had worked at Mam Non II now worked at the Center for HIV kids. Joy Degenhart said that every time she visited Mam Non II or the new Center this one caregiver would ask about one particular child she had cared for. This child had been her very first infant to care for. The caregiver did not know we were coming, and when she saw this little girl she ran to her. Then she excused herself and ran home to get a scrap book. This caregiver has been keeping a scrap book of this child while she had been at the orphanage. She had pictures of her from 2 days old to almost age one when she had been adopted. The book also had other babies in the photos that were in the same baby room.

Some of the highlights were a boat trip to Ha Long Bay where the kids got to explore an ancient cave and swim on the beaches. Another kids favorite were the cyclo cab rides in Hanoi and Hue. My daughter Danielle said she enjoyed all the beaches! We went to the ever famous China Beach. Another boat trip was to a ceramic village were the kids got hands-on experience in working with ceramics. My personal favorite was our trip to the royal tombs of former Emperors Khai Dinh and Tu Duc in Hue. The grounds here are just amazing! There were lush lily ponds leading up to the temples that would make Monet jealous.

One of the buildings at the Royal Tombs was a Buddhist Temple. All three of my adopted Vietnamese children were brought home as older children. We have attempted to keep their heritage by visiting Buddhist temples here at home several times a year. When there, the kids make prayers for their birth family in Vietnam. Danielle saw the whole Buddhist set up and went straight to praying for her birth mother, which she had just seen a few days before. Danielle was upset that her birth mother was so poor, and was concerned that she wouldn't have enough food. She went up to the altar and picked up some incense. Then a monk hastily stopped us and shooed us out of the building. Poor Danielle looked miffed. So I turned around and tried to explain to the monk that my daughter wanted to make a pray for her birth mother. The man didn't seem to understand English. Then he positioned us just outside the building. I thought he was kicking us back out of the temple. Next the monk went inside and stood at the altar. He pulled out a large stick and then struck a very large brass pot. The sound rung through the building and echoed through our bodies. I am not that religious, but at that moment, I could feel a higher being in our presence. The monk motioned for Danielle to approach the altar. Danielle did her 3 bows and said her prayer. The monk followed us outside and saw all the other adopted little girls and just starting hugging all of them. Then he wanted me to take his photo with Danielle, which I was pleased to do!

The highlight of our trip was visiting Danielle's birth family, her orphanage, and meeting up with my son's birth father at the orphanage. Three years ago, I took my four boys on a similar Motherland tour with a different group. The last time we went to the boys' birth family's home, we met all the relatives including aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmothers, and all 8 other siblings. This time we just met with the birth father at the orphanage. I wanted to give the birth father an update of the kids and brought him a photo album. I also seized the moment and asked the birth father some pertinent questions about the boys' birth and their family tree. The boys always felt left out, because I could give so much detail to my biological children about their births. So I was able to ask the birth father where the kids were born, what time of day, and who was present at their birth. Then I got a list of all the boys siblings, if they were married, and who had children and their names. A big surprise was to find out that my son Tom is named name after his grandfather! Well, a bigger surprise was that Tom's birth date on our records are wrong. His birth father said his birth date is Aug. 12, 1989, while our adoption papers say his birth date is Sept. 5, 1989. Oh well, the year is correct!

Getting to Danielle's birth mother's house was no easy task. The road to Mai Chau is being rebuilt. So we had to take a boat down the Red River. Mai Chau is nearly in Laos. After the boat trip, we took a car to her birth mothers house, as we pulled up to the village, small children came running to the car yelling Lo Thi Vien, Lo Thi Vien! Danielle smiled, she knows her Vietnamese name well. We got our of the car and adults dashed out of the woods. Danielle was being smothered with hugs and kisses by her many Aunts and was drawing a large crowd. I couldn't find Danielle's birth mother, as I had met her before. Then off to the side, I saw her Aunts rushing her out of the shower and dressing her. We had arrived two hours early.

Finally the birth mother made her way through the people to Danielle and was sobbing. Then out of nowhere, Danielle's birth sister Pan showed up. They were both hugging and kissing Danielle through many tears, the Aunts started sobbing again, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Grandma in the middle of the snuggle fest. That is when I lost it. At that moment, 17 hours of flying and pinching pennies to save money for this trip all seemed worth it. This is why we came back to Vietnam. To have this connection of family and the past.

I will be forever grateful for our wonderful children, but also to Dawn and Joy for putting together this Motherland Tour. We could not have done all this without them.

 

Cindy Roberts lives in Southern California with her husband and six kids, three of whom were adopted from Vietnam. Cindy has written four books: "Lunar New Year for Kids" later renamed "Chinese New Year for Kids." It is an arts and crafts book to teach children about the Lunar New Year. Another is "Danielle, Where are you?" for kids ages 3 to 8 years old. And "Dear Sam and Dani : An Adoption Journal" is the author's travel journal from when she took her four boys on a Vietnamese Motherland Tour. Ages 8 to 12 years old.

 

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